A blog about what's going on with myself…
It was a new month in Saigon, I no longer work for a company, and also not looking for any to join.
My last company is a nice place to work, with a really good salary, why did I leave?
Well, telling about my personal-why is not so natural, but this is a good point to start. For the most important reason, it's all about love. I want to do what I love the most. There had some occasions in my life which gave me a strong belief in myself that: if I love to do one thing bad enough and spend all of my time for it, then I will do it damn well.
So what I'm passionate about? First of all, I love to build things. Well, building a great product can bring you a lot of $$$, fame, blah blah, but the most reward for me is that I'm working on what I'm really passionate about, be burned by youthful energy and desire, and bring useful products as paying back to society.
I also love to learn. About "everything"! I want to deepen my knowledge about programming and also everything related to making product, selling product. I want to feel the root of software development: understand customers' problems and what imparts customers' decision to buy a product? These are things I'm not know well right now.
I'm seeking to widen my knowledge about things related to my life. Especially after bad thing happened with my family, I know that I really need to fill up the hole on my knowledge about sociality and mentality. I want to understand more about others, and know more about myself.
I want to find the reason for everything, just like I want to find the meaning of my life.
So, I'm doing work for my own, my products with some friends, and spend most of my time to learn, get direction for my next step. Sound good, however, refusing a job means getting a lot of foolish.
No job means having no one, nothing to rely on. I no longer have a simple day, wake up, feeling okay, try to work well, and waiting for "a happy $$$" end of each month. I even have no laptop, no devices to work with, have no workspace (damn, I love the Air Conditioner so much!). Everything's now on my own, I have to find a way to survive myself.
No job means living on my own saving in the bank, currently I have no income. This is expected result for what I have chosen, but on a not-so-far day, this will become a burdening on my life. What if a day, I have no more money for myself, for what I'm passionate about. I now, need to care more about how I use money. It's just not being thrifty, it is being balance between my needs and economy, what should I spend on, what should not?
Now, with no job, I'm working alone most of the time. Well, being alone is one of the worst thing. One side, that is social impart: people often say, talented people will attract other being with himself, so being alone means you are not good? Well, not really, but on a bad day, this can make you feel like a shame! I can seek for some friends to form a working group, but I really don't want to do like that when I still not define my own road, my vision.
On another side, alone means you have to struggle with your bad side. Like other normal guy, I have quite a lot of weaknesses. That is being lazily, being slowly when working, and procrastinating on unfamiliar decision, and being self-satisfied with WTH I'm doing, being free to do random, unnecessary tasks when there have no outer pushing force… Well, I experienced all of these in recent days.
So can I move forward when there has no one pushing me on my back? Or I just end up with self-satisfaction and wasting my current valuable youthful life? Well, I have to learn to manage myself, learn to set goals. I myself need to push me forward. To be very honest, I'm really lazy on this. Please remind me, ask me my progress, if you can help.
And the most important thing, I have no idea what should go next? No clear direction, no vision, no plan for my next 5 years: What do I want to be? How do it look like? How do I achieve it? A lucky things is that, I know clearly that finding a reasonable answers for these questions is my ultimate goal for next few months.
Seem that I have a lot of things to learn, now I'm dealing with the disadvantage of too-much learning: being unrealistic guy! I really don't want to waste my time and only know thing in theory. My friends are out there, working endlessly for new achievement. I'm here, learn!
You may ask me that, why don't you focus to learn more, read more now, but going to your blog and blah blah. Well, I write this post, honestly because I need help! I need to be pushed. I write my life transparently as a commitment that I will try my best to overcome this situation. I need reality check, blogging is a good checking and getting feedback from friends.
Be bold, or be careless?
Well, I'm taking a big risk for my own life, what I get after all maybe delusion or being disappointed. I hope I will have full of self-awareness to avoid the worst and choose the best for my daily and future.
Falling in love, being passionate, being self-aware, being visionary, being bold.
A new journey.
Stay hungry, stay foolish!
